Can Your Relationship Be Saved?
Navigating relationships with avoidant partners can be challenging and confusing. Are you wondering whether giving space to an avoidant man can save your relationship or make it worse? Curious to learn more about navigating relationships with avoidant partners? Before delving into my insightful blog post, start with my eye-opening video, “Why Giving him Space will Never make him Better” and embark on a journey to understanding and growth! Gain valuable insights into the complexities of these dynamics, setting the stage for deeper exploration in our article.
The Harsh Truth About Giving Space
Most women with an avoidant partner think that letting him take his time and giving him room to breathe will lead to a moment of realization where he says, “Oh wow, you really loved me all along.” The harsh truth is that, no, giving him time and space is not going to teach him how much you love him. In fact, it might lead to the death of your relationship because you’ll starve emotionally and send the message that you don’t want a better relationship.
Why Giving Space Isn’t the Answer
While space isn’t the answer, that doesn’t mean that there is no hope. I’m Adam Lane Smith, an attachment specialist who has worked with thousands of couples. I’ve never seen a man respond to time and space in the way women hope. If you let him take endless time and space, you’re reinforcing his avoidance, neglecting your needs, and stalling relationship momentum. This leads to emotional starvation and miscommunication. Your needs will go unmet, leading to increased insecurity and even potential infidelity.
Understanding the Avoidant Man’s Mindset
Avoidant men seem to need a lot of space because their brains are constantly running risk assessments. They’re always hyper-aware of others’ moods, behaviors, and words, which exhausts them. They fear losing their independence and are uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. They prefer solo problem-solving, making it difficult for them to rely on you or anyone else.
Why Women Believe Giving Space Will Help
Women often give avoidant men space because they’re empathetic and want to avoid conflict. They hope absence makes the heart grow fonder, but often, it leads to more resentment and misunderstanding. They might also have a secret contract in their minds, thinking if they give him space, he’ll reciprocate in ways they need.
The Consequences of Giving Too Much Space
- Reinforcement of Avoidance: Each time he runs away and feels better, he learns that avoidance is the best solution.
- Neglect of Your Needs: Your emotional needs will go unmet as he prioritizes his comfort.
- Loss of Relationship Momentum: Without moving forward together, your relationship becomes stagnant.
- Increased Insecurity: Both partners feel less secure and doubt each other’s love.
- Potential for Infidelity: Emotional distance and unmet needs can lead to seeking comfort elsewhere.
What Should You Do Instead?
To save your relationship, you must help him stop needing so much space by addressing the core issues that drive his avoidance. Here’s how:
- Understand His Risk Assessment Mindset: Recognize his overthinking and constant tracking of risks.
- Learn His Language: Communicate in a way that acknowledges his fears and shows you’re on his side.
Final Thoughts
Giving endless time and space to an avoidant man isn’t the answer. It leads to emotional starvation and potential relationship breakdown. Instead, focus on understanding his mindset and addressing the root causes of his avoidance. This approach fosters a healthier, more fulfilling relationship where both partners can feel secure and loved.
Stay Tuned
This blog post is part of a mini-series designed to debunk the biggest myths about changing an avoidant man. For more practical approaches to building a fulfilling relationship, stay tuned for upcoming posts. Also, check out my course, “How to Love an Avoidant Man,” currently on an early bird special!
